Everything is in kilter

I’m having a good day. Nothing of particular note, I’m just feeling good, even with the “lost” hour of the clocks going to BST today. My favourite crystal ring fellows the floor and shattered and I still felt okay. I was sad, but it didn’t send me to bed for the rest of the day as it might have done last month. Hopefully I have turned a corner in my thinking. The important thing is that I am able to acknowledge that even if I haven’t, I’ll be okay. I’ve read and cooked and took a walk around the block, listened to some radio… It’s great to have a day where I don’t feel at the mercy of my emotions.

I think that my new attitude to this blog has helped. I’ve blogged daily, and done some activities – three, plus an update on one last year, but I found a couple of other things to blog about too. It’s easier to do the activities when a)I don’t have to, and I don’t beat myself up for not doing them and b) I am allowing myself to post about other things without feeling like I have to apologise for not doing an activity. Anything that reduces stress is a good thing. And if doing that leads to me feeling like this, then I definitely want to do more of it 😀

Review of the week

I haven’t followed the book much this week, but given how tired I have been I’m impressed that I have managed to blog every day. In fact I have blogged for as many days since Christmas as I managed before the Christmas break. I only skipped two days – once due to a drafting problem and once due to no internet access.

I am glad that I am not stressing over the lack of following the book. This enforced rest due to tiredness has reminded me to trust that all will work out in the end. I spent this morning in bed, and this afternoon/evening catching up on other things I’d missed due to exhaustion, rather than worrying about the blog. This blog is for me; no sense in continuing if I just stress out over it. I will continue but if I don’t do an activity that’s fine too.

Back online

Nothing happens for no reason; being forced offline helped me realise that I have been putting too much pressure on myself to add to this blog every day. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t post. I began this blog to keep track of this year. It’s a way of keeping myself on track with the challenge of attempting to to do as many activities as I can from The best year of your life. That’s all. By posting online I am more likely to keep going, but it’s not worth it if I stress over it.

I have realised it’s okay to miss a day here and there. I have also realised that it’s okay not do do an activity every day. This week did I have been outside my comfort zone in other ways, taking part in events in the Oxford International Women’s Festival, so I have done fewer activities anyway.

I can blog about three though.

First, this week’s give activity was to

raise a late night smile by putting a chocolate on everyone’s pillow tonight and turning down the covers.

Living alone this isn’t an option, and I’ve already done a Give activity anyway, but I’d thought I’d post it in case anyone else wants to do this (it’s Mother’s Day in the Uk, so you could try that)

This week’s Expand activity is to begin to understand the connection between mind and body.

Today, begin to expand your understanding of the relationship between mind and body by getting hold of Louise Hay’s groundbreaking Heal Your Body book which offers a way of understanding certain ailments, aches and pains as they may relate to what’s going on with the rest of our lives.

I can recommend the book; I have had it for years. I keep this copy in my desk for easy reference, and also have a copy of You Can Heal Your Life which has the blue book information in the back.

Finally,

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

-Albert Einstein

Today believe in miracles, expect miracles and be on the lookout for miracles.

I’ve been doing this more since reading Pam Grout’s Thank and Grow Rich. It’s a wonderful habit to cultivate. For me life is just much richer since I began looking for miracles.

One minor miracle, though it didn’t seem like it at the time, was losing internet access. I has made me appreciate the Internet, but also rethink how I use it, and what I want to use it for. Looking back at this week, I like the blog posts I did, especially looking at the sky. But I also acknowledge the unintentional stress I have put on myself to post here. It’s a good thing to realise. I hope I don’t need a repeat of the experience to learn the lesson 😃

Well done me.

Sooner or later we must realise there is no station , no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip.

-Robert Hastings

I am not sure how to blog about today’s activity:

So many thinkers and teachers have sought to remind us that it’s the journey that matters. Today, don’t worry about the destination. Remind yourself often to enjoy the journey.

All I have done is to enjoy the day. Whether tidying, doing dishes, reading, I have just enjoyed having the time and energy to do things. When I didn’t have the energy I sat or I ate. Maybe that’s all you can do, find the enjoyment whatever’s going on. There’s always something. I haven’t been bored today.

This week has been good. I’ve enjoyed the snow, and mood-wise I feel more level-headed, more on track than I have for a while. I am ready for the week ahead mentally, even if not physically. I am looking forward to next week; it’s been a while since I could say that. I think this bout of low mood is on its way out.

I have done better here too. I only missed two activities, and I replaced one of them with an earlier one I missed. 6 out of 7. Well done me.😀

The last week

Looking back at the past week, I realised I didn’t watch a dvd with subtitles. I have got two out, so maybe this week, if I don’t get round to any of the activities one day. Or even if I don’t.

This has been a good week, blog wise. I’ve done 6 activities this week. Some blogging/activities have helped me feel better – particularly the eau de toilette on the pillow, leading to good dreams, but also the journaling. I forget how useful journaling can be in revealing how things aren’t as bad as my tired brain thinks they are.

A couple of activities were more physical, but not tiring (stretching and decluttering); perfect exercise for me as I recover.

Too tired to think of a Title

Today was better again. I even got out some DVDs with subtitles, though I’ll cover that activity next week. It’s 8pm and I am tired already, so I thought I’d review the last week.

I think I am getting used the idea that it’s okay to be kind to myself. I know that it is better not to look too hard at my fears in my current state, so I didn’t go as deep as I might otherwise do for that activity. This is good; far better to skip an activity than to damage my mental health.

I have kept doing the daily download. A couple of times the answers have been quite short. I think it’s useful, but on bad days it just emphasises how bad I am feeling.

Questions 4 and 5 of the daily download are

4. Something that went better today was…

I ate properly.

5. Something I learned today was…

A woman Mum was at college with has been made into a Lego figure

The week

Another day… I was okay, until I wasn’t. I searched for the right words to describe me and I got “desperately sad”

There is no reason other than it’s a continuation of this low mood. That’s what makes it frustrating. If I had a reason to feel miserable it would be easier. Not less painful, but easier.

Last summer I had a time of feeling down, but having a reason (going through a break up) meant that I could think about it, feel the pain of it, experience it. Also the general feeling of a cloud hanging over me wasn’t there. I was allowed to feel miserable without all the other side effects of mental illness. Also, when my mind was telling me that I was stupid/useless/whatever for feeling that way I knew it was lying. Because I was going through a break up, so there was a reason, so I wasn’t stupid.

Because that’s what depression tries to do. It tells you lies. It tells you that you’re stupid, selfish,worthless etc. and because it’s your own thoughts telling you this, it’s really hard to argue back.

Still looking at the book Have the best year of your life, I may not have done much from it this week, but I can tick some things off. I did the bird book, described my Nirvana and looked at fear, so that’s 3 out of 7, and two other activities are things I have been doing regularly. One is take a nap. I haven’t this week – laying in bed unable to get up isn’t the same! – but I know that taking naps can help when I am on the way down. The other is:

Get a maps and draw a circle around your home that extends approximately 12 miles. Now look inside the circle for a place you’ve never been…now go pay a visit.

As I have previously blogged, I have been doing a bit of this over November and December, and hope to do more of in February.

So. 5 out of 7 covered. That’s not bad, given how I have been. I am doing alright. I am goodenough.

Looking at last week…

…I did pretty well given my tiredness, yes, I skipped 2 days, but I am impressed it wasn’t more. Still tired, but less apathetic than I was yesterday. Today’s activity is to slip a loving note into someone’s pocket or lunchbox, the thing about living alone is it’s harder to do this.

In this morning’s Morning Pages I began writing about last week’s activity of becoming aware of my bodies’ natural rhythms. Last week I was too tired to do so, but I have been noticing. If I am well/non exhausted enough in the evenings I can stay up late and get quite a bit done. If I have the energy and don’t have to go searching for things I need I can get quite a bit done first thing too. Actually I think it would work quite well on days like today, when nothing’s scheduled, if I did get up when I first wake, around 5am, and do my writing and oracle cards, before going back to bed, then “sleeping in”. I am more a night owl than an early bird, but when I am awake and ready to get going then I can get a lot done, which I do find satisfying.

One thing I have yet to do today is copy down that bit from my morning pages and into my journal. I rarely reread morning pages immediately, but this time I will make an exception.

Nails

Today’s activity is to give yourself a manicure 💅🏼 I will repeat this activity later, because it suggested going to a nail salon, which I would like to do someday, but today it wasn’t feasible.

Rather than painting my nails I got rid of the Christmas nail polish in one go, rather than letting it flake off gradually. I didn’t want to paint my nails, so I didn’t 😀 I did massage them, and rub hand and nail cream into my nails, which I rarely do. I also soaked my feet and massaged them a bit, always a luxury.

It has been lovely, returning to the book and my blogging. Having this blog means I am much more likely to have a go at the activities, especially when I am not too keen, or just feel like there’s no time – knowing that I have to blog about it means that I make time. Today was a good example.:

There’s so much to do! Can I really fit this in?

Well, yes, because you have to blog about it later.

This week I have done all the activities even when I was tired. Again, I am glad of that. I am grateful to have slipped back into the blogging habit so easily.

Sound map

The final activity of the week was to sit down and draw a sound map. I sat down and drew all the things I hear around me. I did it indoors because it wasn’t just cold out, but has started raining too. Just like last Sunday with higher temperatures…

Inside there is music and audio drama/radio programmes. There is also noises from pipes etc. but I didn’t include them. Outside there are birds people and vehicles mainly. Next door’s dogs and neighbourhood building works also get a look in. I even drew in distant train horns and airplane engines.

This week I got all the activities done despite everything. I may be singing more soon, What with Christmas carol concerts happening (there’s at least two nearby next week) Quite a few of the activities this week have been things that I have done before and it’s good to go back to try things again. Nothing too taxing for a week in which I have been quite tired. Looking forward to seeing what I can fit into the run up to Christmas. It’s the winter solstice on Thursday too; I am not going to be too hard on myself if I miss out a few activities over the next couple of weeks, but I’ll be trying my best to do them all…